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Humor Archive One

The Twenty and The One
Where's Jonah?
Sibling Commandment
Apples and Cookies
Pastor vs. the Choir

The Twenty and The One

There was this $20 dollar bill and a $1 dollar bill on the conveyor belt at the downtown Federal Reserve Building.

As they were lying there side by side the $1 dollar bill said to the $20 dollar bill, "Hey mannnnnn, where have you been ? I haven't seen you in a long time ?"

The $20 dollar bill replied, "Man I have been having a ball! I been traveling to distant countries, going to the finest restaurants, to the biggest and best casinos, numerous boutiques, the mall uptown, the mall downtown, the mall across town and even a mall that I just newly built."

"In fact, just this week I've been to Europe, a professional NBA game, Rodeo Drive, the all-day retreat spa, the topnotch hair salon and the new casino! I have done it all!!!"

After describing his great travels, the $20 dollar bill asked the $1 dollar bill, "What about you? Where have you been?"

The $1 dollar replied, "Well, I've been to the Baptist church, the Methodist church, the Presbyterian church, the Lutheran church, the Episcopalian church, the Church of God in Christ, the Catholic church, the church of the Latter Day Saints, the A. M. E. church, the Disciple of Christ church, the......"

"WAIT A MINUTE! WAIT A MINUTE!!" shouted the $20 dollar bill to the $1 dollar bill.

"What's a church?"

Where's Jonah?

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah". The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?" The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".

Sibling Commandment

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."

Apples and Cookies

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching." Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples.

Pastor vs. the Choir

There was a feud between the Pastor and the Choir Director of The Hicksville Southern Baptist Church. It seems the first hint of trouble came when the Pastor preached on "dedicating yourselves to service" and the Choir Director chose to sing: "I Shall Not Be Moved".

Trying to believe it was a coincidence, the Pastor put the incident behind him. The next Sunday he preached on "giving". Afterwards, the choir squirmed as the director led them in the hymn: "Jesus Paid It All".

By this time, the Pastor was losing his temper. Sunday morning attendance swelled as the tension between the two built. A large crowd showed up the next week to hear his sermon on "the sin of gossiping". Would you believe the Choir Director selected: "I Love To Tell The Story".

There was no turning back. The following Sunday the Pastor told the congregation that unless something changed he was considering resignation. The entire church gasped when the Choir Director led them "Why Not Tonight."

Truthfully, no one was surprised when the Pastor resigned a week later; explaining that Jesus had led him there and Jesus was leading him away. The Choir Director could not resist: "What A Friend We Have In Jesus."


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